RIP Tony Bourdain: Suicide, Addiction and Us

Suicide: I wrote a book about it  (Teenage Wasteland) and fuck if I can explain why, when a loved one opts out. Suicide is the biggest "fuck you" the individual can dish out. It leaves us wounded, angry, sad, and feeling betrayed. We ask, wasn't our love enough to keep you here?
No matter how strongly we love, we can never understand the urge to kill that possesses the individual at the moment of desperation, isolation, hopelessness and defeat. We call the person "selfish." We feel powerless, and that makes us angry.

Suicide is a disease, like cancer. Someone killing themselves due to depression is no more selfish than a body that has succumbed to cancer. It's a surrender to the call of death. Think of it as a form of demonic possession, an organic dysfunction, not a rational choice. Our loving God  (and the institutional church) forgive suicide, the person is not in their right mind. We cannot judge what God forgives. We cannot fathom the suffering, self hatred and contempt---the conviction that a child, a spouse, the world is better off without us. The person is trapped in a disease that cuts them off from reality, as cancer cuts a body off from the good cells.it's a soul sickness, like active addiction.

Since 1997 12 Step Recovery has given me the tools to survive addiction, and my darker moods. It's taught me that life is with people, and that alcoholism, like depression, is a disease, that can be managed. That there is always hope, another, better day. As we say, "I came for my drinking, I stayed for my thinking." Like every addict, I fight the devil each day to keep my soul. Stay free, stay close, and always know that you are loved.
On June 8, 2018, Anthony Bourdain, our  beloved CNN correspondent, chef and rock & roll heart took his life. He was one of us, a Ramones fan, a recovered heroin/cocaine addict, a father and a generous, gifted soul. May you rest in perpetual light, dancing to the music, hanging with da bruddahs.

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